The simplistic answer is ‘be nice.’ As the old saying goes, ‘you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.’ But your understanding of ‘being nice’ must not be superficial. So I would add to this, ‘Be straight.’
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People feel things. They can tell not only when they are being assaulted, but also when they are being manipulated, i.e. when you are not being truly honest with them. When you are throwing darts, when your motivations are coming from a distorted place.
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It is not always easy to be straight with people. You may feel hurt or any other form of negativity that puts a spin on your emotions making it very difficult to stand up straight and deal with whatever is going on. In such instances, give yourself the time and space required to access and act from a wiser place within. This can take time and effort, but as the saying goes, ‘if you do not have time to do something right, how are you going to find time to fix what you have done wrong.’
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You may also see that the person you are dealing with is in just that sort of emotional spin making them inaccessible. It is common in such instances to retaliate. But that will only make things worse. You must find it within yourself to wisely give them the time and space they require. At such time, it may be all you can do to wait and watch for an ‘in’… an opportunity to connect with them on a deeper level.
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This all begins with an honest relationship with yourself. What are you really feeling? You may think you are angry for example. But anger is often just a cloak for the deeper emotion of hurt or frustration. You need to find honesty within yourself. Then present yourself to the world from that place of honesty. This does not mean throwing yourself at the feet of another. It means being honest with yourself and acting wisely in your interactions.
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Rest assured that people will sense where you are coming from, and if you are acting from an honorable place within, they will, at least in time, respond accordingly. The best way to get what you want is to behave in a manner that elicits respect… be nice in a profound sense, not a plastic or superficial sense. Being nice means being straight. Come from the place of maturity within. In other words, being nice is far more than a sugar coating. It means simple, honest, straightforward integrity.
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Integrity is a word that is thrown around far too freely often used when a person is not doing what you want them to do or what you think they should do. But true integrity runs much deeper. Integrity means integration. Are the many facets of what you are feeling integrated with what you are thinking, what you are knowing, and what is actually the case? Are you really being honest with yourself and others? Are you standing up straight in your dealings with life? This is not so easy to do.
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But it is what is required if you want the respect of others. And that is your best chance of getting what you want.
