From time to time, I receive email questions from someone who seems upset. Instead of a sincere desire to learn, the motivation of the questions seems to be to find a flaw in me and/or my teachings. The intent seems to be to make me wrong. I usually try to find a way to help the person. Truth is, that rarely works because they have already committed themselves to their attitude. But at least they have then heard something from me that may (if not right away then in the future as they reflect back) help them.
I believe that such resentment is often rooted in some sort of competitiveness. Perhaps a husband resents the fact that his wife likes my teachings and would prefer that she look to him for spiritual knowledge. Perhaps the person wants to see himself as an authority and therefore feels threatened or offended by me. Perhaps they feel they need to maintain their dogmatic world-view, feeling threatened by anything that may challenge their current understanding.
I hope the following response might be useful to anyone who may find himself feeling at odds with another person:
I sense hostility in the emails you send. I would like to suggest that you take a look at your motivations. What feelings, what emotions, lie within you when you write these emails? What do you really want from me? What is going on with you? I am not asking you to give me those answers. However, I do feel it would help you if you could honestly answer them for yourself… what you are really feeling about me, my teachings, and why. Just please remember that self-honesty is a most difficult task in such situations. Of course you could always deny any negative feelings. Perhaps then you could once and for all make me wrong in your eyes, which may in fact be what you have been hoping for all along. If that is so, consider this my gift to you.
With utmost sincerity,
I reflect back on my blog comments and emails, and feel as though every single one of them contained some sort of distortion. For that, I apologize. Misunderstanding is what drives me up the wall. I want communication to be crystal clear. It can’t be done with words.
Jai Guru Dev!
For some reason a reoccurring thought that comes into my mind often, is what it must be like to be in his shoes? To live that level of life, he must feel so alone. What is one life? If one hour with a master is worth more than a lifetime of study, then Bramarshi’s whole life of constant commitment to truth, to his students and to the world, can shift this planet((Mt Soma))))). My deepest gratitude for you keeping that ring on your finger as a square!
One reason I know Dr. Mamas teaches Truth is its perfection. No loose ends, no inconsistencies, no weak rationality- it is flawless. This blog triggered some self-judgement within me around self-honesty. I always wish I could be 100% self honest, but I know I am not. I entered the double bind for a minute until another of Michael’s lessons came to my rescue… all you can do is your best.
Deepest thanks. I feel I owe you my life.
The sincerity of your intent always comes through loud and clear. When we have that, not finding exactly the right words matters little. We will work our way through the words, seeing beyond the words that were not exactly right. Just keep a stead hand on that rudder. All is well.
That question “What do I feel and why?” can be a hard nut to crack! I can easily feel my angers and hurts, and list my reasons, and convince myself I gave the answer. It can be a hard question to really unearth. A stone-turning question for me to pair it with can be: “What is at risk for me, if I were wrong? If I did what I feared? If I did not do what I am dead-set upon?”
It is true also that stones can be heavy and may not turn easily. Others are slippery, and once turned, seem the same on the other side–did I really turn it over? Ah, well. Tilling, turning, and churning the soil is still an important part of growing something new… A good lesson for me, as I tend to get short-sighted and curse the stone. 😀
I can only know what I am feeling and why based on my current level of evolution and my samskaras and the lenses through which I view life. That leads to frustration on my part. However, I hope I have never taken the frustration I feel towards my conditioning upon You. I know I used to run out of the classroom, but that was out of fear, not anger towards You. If I have ever shown disrespect, I apologize. Jai Guru Dev