It’s a beautiful question. What does this longing for oneness really have its basis in? Is it based in fear? It is not based in fear. It’s based in love, the opposite of fear. We long to commune because it’s our inherent nature, at the depth of our being, to love.
Our fear is what prevents us from functioning from that place. We may fear that if we show our vulnerability, we’ll look like a fool. So we create a facade, an overlay. But as the psyche heals, we integrate all the different levels of our being so that we function harmoniously with our vulnerability in a fulfilling manner that is unique to each individual. Then our vulnerability naturally interfaces with what’s occurring on the surface of our life.
I feel I may be leaving a relationship based on this longing to commune love; put simply, beyond the infinitesimal facets deriving the relationship, both of us were intensely relationally damaged in life and seem to have been stuck in trying to ‘save’ or ‘fix’ another, as our learned expressions of love.
Fittingly, vulnerability was a huge problem for both of us; and fittingly, relationship stagnation occurred frequently. Although both moved through many stages of different versions of ourselves growing throughout the relationship, could that facade have become such a powerful entity in our interaction that the 2 of us without it can’t (yet) exist?
I feel my psyche has become healed beyond ever before, and this functional, harmonious existence I’ve glimpsed; and I don’t want to want it badly, becoming desperation, yet I feel my heart immensely receptive to such, though not at the moment satisfied.
-Being Tired, in alignment with permanent vulnerability