Cell Phone Conversation:
Kim: “Hello”….
Jim: “Hi Kim, It’s Jim.”
pause…
Kim: “Hello?…”
Jim: “Kim, It’s Jim. I can hear you. Can you hear me?”
Kim: “Hello, is anybody there?”
Jim, frustrated: “Arrrrh!!!”
Jim hangs up and dials again.
Kim: “Hello”
Jim, in a frustrated tone: “Kim, it’s Jim. Can you hear me?”
Kim, feeling hurt by Jim’s angry tone: “Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me?”
Jim: “Hello, Kim, can you hear me?”
No audible reply even though Kim says: “Yes, I can hear you.”
Jim, really frustrated and angry at this point: “Just forget it!”
Jim hangs up. Kim feels hurt, judged, rejected and not heard. Kim is now mad at Jim thinking he is mad at her.
NOW. Stay with me and make this leap: Communication in general is like your cell phone. You are not really angry with the person. You are upset with the barrier to communication. The person believes you are mad at them, so they get mad at you. Then you are both off and running, mad at each other and escalating. That is the sad story of communication.
The good news is that if you can work through and get past the communication barrier and the personal issues that come up as a result, you are a GREAT COMMUNICATOR. It requires patience, balance, and dedication to the process.
So, next time you are in a conflict, try to remember: It’s the cell phone!
Hmmmm. I have to think about that. Helpful perspective!
IMHO, what you’ve laid out is very widespread and has far reaching impact…
What a great description and illustration of this process. It happens all time!
Great illustration! I can certainly relate to that. Often time we don’t give the other person the credit for hearing us. Instead, we go on and on, eventually agitate the situation and lose the other person.
This dovetails nicely with your recent blog about Communication (http://www.michaelmamas.net/communication-in-a-nutshell/). I’m also reminded of a recent lecture where you said that, when communicating with someone, at least 50% of your attention should be on the person, not what you are trying to communicate. If only all the world’s leaders and negotiators could really understand that. World’s problems solved!
What a great blog! “Upset with the barrier to communication”. So many times I feel that barrier is me, I am my own stumbling block, but I keep trying and sometimes the communication does get through. My chart has Mars standing right in front of Mercury, this has presented often as situations where I feel irritated in communication, like there is some big block. Recently I was looking at the chart with different eyes and found myself wondering if Mars is adding the power to Mercury. My communication is getting stronger, more heard as I become more visible, no longer hiding behind my block, stepping back, coming to another way around it…
Clear explanation how this shows up in my life. Now to put it into practice.
Beautiful, if we could only remember that “it is just the cell phone” in the midst of adversity. I do think our community at Mount Soma has come a long way in this regard, but we also have ways to go.
Many thanks!
Excellent parable to a major problem in society today with a simple explanation to fix the misunderstanding. I’ll be more conscious of applying your method, in the future. Thx.
Oh, if it was only so easy to remember “it’s the cell phone!” I love it, thank you for that perspective to embody.
Practical. Thanks. This kind of issue happens all the time. Once feelings have been hurt, reason and reflection goes out the window. It is a trap we all fall into now and again. I hope I will remember your words next time.