People have many diverse motivations in life. Some strive to make money. Others are devoted to mastering a musical instrument. Some aspire to higher and higher levels of education. Some are dedicated to certain principles, that is to say their beliefs regarding being in the right as much as possible. Still others focus on accomplishing whatever task may be at hand.
But after it is all said and done, there is one thing that brings more fulfillment regarding how you live your life than anything else. That, quite simply, is how other people feel about you. Do they respect you as a person?
The odd thing about all this is that that most fulfilling aspect of your life is very simple to attain… yes indeed, very, very simple. The only problem is that people do not have their attention there. They focus more on motivations such as the ones listed above. That is done at the expense of gaining the respect, love, and good feelings of others. Simply making a habit of keeping your finger on the pulse of how others are feeling about you is the simple yet profound key to it all. And even more amazing is that you do not have to always do it perfectly. Mistakes in this regard are not really a problem. You have only to do your best to correct the mistake and move forward. And the correction need not be a dramatic act. A simple acknowledgement is usually quite enough. That in fact, will gain you more respect than if the mistake was never made in the first place. You may think the acknowledgement is a swallowing of your pride or and undermining of your stature, but in truth, it is exactly the opposite.
I encourage you to just try it. Go ahead and focus on whatever task is at hand, but keep your finger on the pulse of how your actions are compelling people to feel about you as a person and do your best to make that a very positive feeling. You will find that in doing so, whatever the task at hand may be, you will be more successful in the accomplishment of it. At the same time, over and above the accomplishment of the task, you will find greater fulfillment in life.
It is really all so simple. Just do the Surya Ram Meditation as instructed and keep you finger on that pulse of respect. Respecting others is the key to attaining their respect and love, is the key to success in whatever task you may embark upon, and is the key to fulfillment in a life well lived.
One final point: It is not so much about how you behave when everything is wonderful and everybody is getting along that gains the respect of others. It is more about how you behave during conflicts or disagreements. Do you just try to prove your point, make yourself right, or make the other wrong? Do you stonewall any perspective or feeling other than your own? Or are you working with the relationship in a manner that will gain the respect and appreciation of others. Never forget that this is how you gain your own self-respect and appreciation. Never forget that you have not won over a person, just because you have silenced them.
Real conflict resolution, and I mean resolution within your own heart and mind, comes not from winning an argument, but instead it comes from winning the respect of others.
Respect has been the topic of the week already. After meditation this morning I got the urge to pick up the phone knowing there would be a blog post from Brahmarshi. His words years ago, that apparently I heard for the first time just in that moment, were about focusing on the relationship before the task. Competent completion of tasks seemed to be highly valued in my family if origin. I thought I gained the love of my parents and family that way. What I actually gained was a codependent attitude attracting people that had little respect for me but great use of me. I’m still good at the task at hand, but now much more likely to shift my focus to the interaction with anyone I’m working with, or better yet, someone who comes to disturb my task at hand. I have more self-respect, and I think that too is noticed and felt in the world.
This is so opposite of what my parents taught. It was win the argument – then you would be respected. I watched my family win arguments but not gain respect. Through my years of work, negotiating every sale has taught me differently, but everytime I go home, the “wrinkles in my physic” crease and arguments ensue. I have been trying so hard to have a relationship with my sister, but can’t seem to get it done. She keeps saying I have not given her respect, and now I am wondering if maybe she doesn’t recognize it because it so different than what we were taught as kids, or if I really am not giving her respect.
Thank you Brahmarshi for giving another avenue of contemplation.
Great blog, Brahmarshi. Thanks.
It would be good if you could ask your sister to help you with that, telling her it is not how you feel nor is it your intention to make her feel that way. But you know the relationship and know whether or not that is the right angle of approach.
Beautiful! Your teachings on relationships and respect have been most healing to me. Additionally, the implementation in all areas of business, in particular with humanrelations, is priceless. Your teachings have helped so many without their even knowing. I am an open book to my team about my life and values, and those who are interested or curious, I lead to meditation. Some try, some don’t, few seem to make it a practice, but I think it plants a seed. I gently point them to You. Being part of our business organization long term means individuals must resonate with and work with the Knowledge on some level. It improves so many lives! With great appreciation! Jai Siva Sankara!
This blog is great at fleshing out the concept of “It’s all about people.” I love all the comments too- they really are adding to the blog.
If my blog posts have been perceived as disrespectful, you all have my sincerest apology. There is no one in this world I respect more than Brahmarahi, and he knows it. I am aware that many times I fire off in first response, and need to cultivate a healthy second response. I’m sorry. I was in my stuff.. Again…
I suppose I feel as though Brahmarshi and I are so solid, I can just say whatever I want. I know that is wrong. Even though he is a super massive convergence point, anchored in the transcendent, he still feels the full range of human emotion. Brahmarshi, if I have been disrespectful, I am truely sorry.
I’m not trying to win the award for most pious, and contrary to the blog (here I go again), I care little for what others think of me (save a select few). I guess that speaks volumes? In any event, I’m most assuredly hung up on principles, and that certainly gets me into trouble.
Jai Guru Dev!
Thank you Brahmarsh, I have tried your suggestion, but I am thinking it was too soon after the fuss. So I will try it again. Thank you.
Life is a dance, there is a proper rhythm to everything. Living in harmony with nature… People are, of course, a part of nature, though that truth is often not recognized. We must all keep a finger on the pulse of nature.
Wow this blog comes just at the perfect time yesterday i had a discussion with a friend from morocco asking why they are racist and i was a bit angry about it and i proved my point, but it really didnt feel right, it was on my mind this morning and i was thinking about how to set it straight, i think simply apolgizing is enough now 🙂 thank you for this blog
And the picture is perfect it its unbelieveble im from Eritrea so i was starting to dislike the arabs for what happened in sinai desert, saoudi, and yemen, i felt like the africans arent save around arabs, Brahmrishi how to talk about this topics against people, and how to cope with racism? And if you really think a group is racist, is it just to point it out. In Holland we very much trow evrything under the carpit on these topics i think america is way ahead on racial things than the the rest off the world for obvious reasons. Is it possible that a group have racial tendecies and is it good or bd to point it out. And if yes, how to do it correctly
Waiting for your replay thank you
I’ve concluded that it is not in my best interest to comment on the blog posts. Everyone can breathe a collective sigh of relief. Under normal circumstances I would never speak on Brahmarshi’s teachings, and only replied here because we have all been encouraged to do so. In class, I don’t even presume to ask a question or direct the conversation in any way. I guess now I’m a bad student for denying the request of my Guru. Oh well, better than the alternative. I’ll simply ponder and reflect on the blogs. I won’t be coaxed, lured, or tempted out of that state of contemplation again. Free personal process just isn’t worth putting yourself in such a position. It’s a catch-22 “tar baby” situation. I guess I do care what people think, because I can’t stand being misunderstood. Sorry again. Adieu.
BTW, April 15th should be pretty cool.
Jai Guru Dev!
this is a big topic that I spend hours on in class. In a nutshell since you ask for a response in a blog comment: racism is cultural integrity gone insane. Please reflect on this. That is it in seed form.
The choice is yours but I for one would miss your comments.
If you like make a blog from it. Much apreciated
You can just search for “cultural integrity” on this blog page and you will get 5 results where Brahmarshi had already written on this topic in previous blogs. To really get into it it would be best if you could attend a class, but as it looks you are living in Europe, so might be a bit of a trip to get here 🙂
But if you are interested in taking the teachings to the next level, I would highly recommend you buy Brahmarshi’s “Unconditioned Spirit” book (available in the online store). This may sound like a cheap sales pitch to you, but frankly I’m willing to take that risk, because the book is an invaluable compilation of the core principles Brahmarshi is teaching and will help anyone to even get more out of the blogs.
I hope that was helpful. Would be great to see you some day at Mount Soma!