“He that can compose himself is wiser than he that composes books.” – Benjamin Franklin
The trick is not to stifle yourself, but to express yourself in a constructive manner. Your points are secondary to your ability to communicate those points. Communication requires communion.
Also, if one is not willing to listen, why speak? Your best chance of having someone listen, is to cultivate the art of self-composure. By virtue of of your self-composure they will more likely be on the edge of their seat, ready to listen.
What the world needs is more self-composure. Then all else is possible. The highest form of composure comes from the very depth of your being.
Proper meditation is the gateway.
I find this to be so beautiful…
More to aspire to and cultivate!
Thank you for listening as I/we attempt to move in that direction.
Jai Guru Dev
Reading this blog brings to mind the blissful feeling of being in that space of true self-composure, to be at peace within one’s Self, and the powerfully positive effects that can have on the people and world around us. Yet, at the same time, I can also feel how helplessly I can be influenced be people and external happenings which lead me to drop like a falling brick out of that state of composure and get completely wrapped up in the negative effects of difficult people or challenges in life. And it seems as though the more I live from that place of peace the worse those times of falling out of peace feel and effect my heart. Exploring this brings great humility to me, as much as we would like to think we are holding it all together, the reality seems to be that most can very easily be knocked of the rocker, so to speak. As always Bramharishi, you have provided the answer. PROPER MEDITATION. May I, by the grace of the Almighty, and your exquisite teachings, continue to experience a little more, a little more of the peace that blossoms true Self-Composure.
Thank you Bramharishi.
So many keys you give us…. thank you
The truth be told [which it must!], even in the state of enlightenment blows to the heart are felt… if anything, then more deeply… certainly not less…
Composure in those instances does not mean immunity from hurt…
Rather it means the willingness and ability to take the punch… absorb it… and move on… constructively.
That requires time.
It is called patience.
How does one absorb a punch? What happens to it after absorption? Could the punch be deflected instead?
To absorb a punch means to feel the hurt without lashing back. To feel hurt at times is a very normal thing. To not lash out in retaliation (be it overt or passive aggressive or what have you) is called composure. It is maturity, i.e. developed or cultivated mode of behavior. We all have the inner two year old as well as the inner adult. Composure means having the resilience of inner being to choose the best response for the given moment. At times, the impulsive childlike emotions may rightly overtake you. However, at those times composure would mean to not inappropriately direct the acting out of those emotions upon another.
And yes, we do our best to deflect or avoid situations that hurt us… sometimes however that can be to the compromise of our own selves.
I put myself in the position where from time to time people hurt me. I do so because I am dedicated to my work. I avoid that negativity as best I can, but I also understand that moving objects attract all sorts of attention… both positive and negative.
This is one of my biggest obstacles. Thanks for the reminder. This was a great tool for me, while my family was in town this week. It really seems to work, but it is hard—my emotions are strong.
I appreciate all that you give. Thank you!
After reading Maharshi’s response “To absorb a punch…” is one more reminder of the intricacies of the journey of evolving. It is so profoundly gradual. For me achieving composure is walking the razor’s edge amidst a myriad of my ego distractions usually disguised as attack of some sort. Taking the punch without being a punching bag; being assertive without being aggressive, confrontative without being combative and compromising without compromising principles. I guess it’s an exercise in discernment while looking through the lens of conditioning. Ouch! Whenever I lose my composure I get intellectual, distant and “heady.” Kindness and patience toward myself are definitely tools I need along the way. It feels overwhelming or maybe it’s just a bad day.
Thanks Erik for your thoughtful response to Bramarshi’s post. You have articulated my own experience. Again Thank you.
Beautiful words Brahmarshi, I often feel myself avoiding the pain. Trying not to feel the hurt. It can just be so overwhelming, and continue on and on. It seems difficult to feel the hurt and remain composed. To refrain from lashing out in anger, and also to not fall into sadness or depression. I guess my karma in these areas is intense, and at the same time, it does feel like much progress has been made.
Jai Guru Dev
I’ve been experiencing some very intense emotional pain to the extent I thought I was going to break down emotionally and mentally. I’m quite sure it was triggered by a couple of experiences over the past few weeks that brought up a lot of latent emotions that were buried so deep I had never allowed myself feel them, one was a tremendous sense of fear, terror. It’s been a learning experience these last few weeks discerning what’s coming out of my conditioning and what’s coming out of my heart as guidance. It feels like composure is not only part of how we relate to others during these times but how we navigate through it ourselves. I’m learning that the feelings need to be felt and released in order to be healed. Suppressing them caused a great deal of depression and distress, to the point I felt so numb I didn’t care about anything…a very scarey place to be. As I’ve allowed myself to feel things (meditation has been a safe place to do that, to let them surface and work out), the depression is easing and it feels like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Brahmarshi, you’ve talked about tonal quality in our tissue and psyche that doesn’t have to overshadow our being. That’s so helpful in navigating through this as it can feel so overwhelming and frightening. Not stifling, but expressing oneself in a constructive manner, as you say, is the trick. Thank you.