I love the way NK bottom lined the previous blog about Hurt. “There is a fine line between venting and sharing.” It is indeed a fine line. However, if you can stay with the feeling of hurt without slipping into anger (be it overt, passive/aggressive, or whatever), the line then remains clearly delineated and even becomes more like a huge gap. And yes, this is indeed an art.
Perhaps the biggest challenge of the art is feeling vulnerable to the possibility of attack, rejection, or retaliation if you do express your hurt.
The key here lies in not selling the other person short. We often think we aren’t heard nearly as much as we actually are. In the moment, it may seem your words are not being honored. Know that people do hear you in such moments far more than they may be able to acknowledge.
Also know that just one sentence or phrase can be enough to prompt them to (later, in their quite moments) reflect upon what you have shared. Usually, the problem is not that the person didn’t hear you, rather that you think they did not hear you. If you keep pushing your point, your words may be rejected because they feel invasive or overdone. Oftentimes more can be said in a sentence than in a book.
If they do retaliate, respectful and humble silence may be your most powerful response.
Thank you for further clarifying these points.
Another awesome, insightful very helpful blog!
To be aware of the fine line between sharing and venting, in the moment of sharing, is such an artful skill! The skill can be improved through practice, I suppose?
Yesterday’s blog was huge for me. Today’s blog puts an even sharper point on the arrow. I have so much to learn…
Thank you. This is wonderful.
I can never hear this too many times… Thank you. Practice takes humility and patience, with myself and with others, and I keep coming back to this. Time to try it again…
I’m still practicing.
I agree wholeheartedly with Sarah… even more clarity on this wonderful relationship practice.
Thank you. Sometimes it feels I have been with the feeling of hurt for so very long that my anger flies out, to my surprise like a roaring wild fire, annihilating everything in its path. It seems like it is related to repression, suppression. Could you please write more about these “ssions”.
I need this tho am afraid to tread here most of the time. I need to remember when it works and someone does it with me and me with them.
So love the blog site search box and the ability to review your writings.
The Friday December 12th, 2015 blog on Relationship With really helped refresh my perspective on my previous comment. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you for bringing my awareness back to one of my main issues This is an art and I will practice it. I know it will deepen my relationships.
Beautiful… I can’t hear this lesson enough times…
Very helpful blog, especially “There is a fine line between venting and sharing” and “…if you can stay with the feeling of hurt without slipping into anger, the line then remains clearly delineated and even becomes more like a huge gap.”
Such wonderful comments to an even more wonderful blog. Although this is such powerful knowledge to help us with personal relationships..I cant help imagine a world where more of humanity functioned from this place.I for one do believe it is possible and when Mt.Soma is completed..it just might be far too difficult to avoid.
Thank you deeply
For me, one of the key concepts is the sentence “We often think we aren’t heard nearly as much as we actually are.” The elaboration made from there helps me understand I don’t need to go on and on if I don’t get an immediate response. I just need to make the point and stop. (Besides, I’m doing the venting more for me than the other person. Is that correct?)
Thank you again. I wish I could remember to say it once and let it go.
many beautiful comments here. And Larry, correct… knowing when you are venting instead of making a statement is quite an accomplishment. Being able to stop talking at that point is even greater… neither are so easy to do.
I’m with Larry on my favorite Michael Mamas quote from this blog: “We often think we aren’t heard nearly as much as we actually are.” It is so difficult to say it once and stop when you think you are not heard. Much easier to say it once when you realize the other person may need time to reflect on it. Thanks once again for a great blog.
So perfectly articulated. Imagine the shift if everyone practiced this 💜