I received the following comment on my recent blog:
In response to “brahmarishi says, October 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm” and the larger context as well… I was rough with this and sent some of my angst towards you…I can see now that it was my misunderstanding, as I do reflect upon several times in class when you spoke those words…please accept my must humble apologies.
I forgot that you said that you were only preparing us with tools for self discovery…You never said you would tell us how to think or that you would direct our path…only that you would show us the door to truth…you did and continue to do so.
This hurts…at many levels…I trust the damage can be healed…I miss you…and will look forward to seeing you again. I realize it is our responsibility to use the tools wisely and not to simply grasp the tools and hold on to them. This has helped hammer the lesson home…
To which I responded:
I know full well that I ask a lot of my students. From time to time a student may recoil, or get upset, or even quit. It always breaks my heart when that happens. But I have freely chosen my role as a teacher of this most precious knowledge.
I do understand that few are willing to pursue deep spirituality. In fact, more often people look to spirituality as an escape from reality instead of an embrace of truth wherever it may lead.
I do ask that people do their best to act respectfully. I also understand that from time to time most everyone loses their balance. If angst rises again in the future, perhaps it can be more appropriately directed to a pillow instead of me. The energy we send is real and I do feel pain.
Dear friend, you are most welcome to be my student. The love in my heart seems to have no limit. I see Divinity in everyone. I am deeply committed to all those who come to me, just as I am deeply committed to doing all I can to remove the suffering that plagues most all beings on our beloved Earth.
As a teacher of this knowledge this confirms for me one thing about myself; I truly love everyone.
Also, I am shy. I know this may seem like a contradiction with my position as a teacher. But I can only talk about deep matters. I am just not good at superficial small talk.
Somehow both my daughters are great at it. When I spoke with my daughter about it, she giggled and said, “How can that be? It is so simple. All you have to do is open your mouth and say something… anything. That is the beauty of it. It doesn’t matter what you say. Talk about the weather.”
I carry you all in my heart. Please do not mistake my shyness for anything other than shyness. For some reason the interaction above compelled me to say this.
In thinking further about my shyness, I found ‘awkward’ to be a better word. When I speak to another, if it does not come from deep in my heart, it feels insincere. At least that deep heart connection must be there first, before I can speak of anything and have it feel alright to me. It is socially not often acceptable to address a ‘stranger’ in that deep manner, so I tend to say nothing, and istead just shy away.
Dear Brahmarishi: I like yur shyness, I do feel your sincerety all the time. I am honored to be your student. thanks.
Your words about your shyness touched me deeply. Thank you. On one occasion as a student at SEH, I experienced your shyness as fear, and on another occasion as arrogance. Both experiences remind me there is deeper meaning and probably even truth as soon as I go beneath the surface. Hopefully, someday, there will be just Truth.
I deeply appreciate having been present for the ponderings that have been going on through Bramarshi’s blogs and students’ comments in the past week or so. The courage and trust of students to speak out, Bramarshi’s responses, and now the deep coming together in this blog, and the comments, are very moving. I am fortunate to be part of this learning community.
Small talk is fluff, What you teach is eternal. I don’t think of it as shy….instead, not wanting to waste your precious time or that of others. And for that I am grateful.
I absolutely love this blog. Your daughters comment cracked me up. Also, it reminded me of what your daughter said to me when I was talking with her, and then you sat down with us and spoke for a bit then left. She said something along the lines of “my dad always has to talk about deep stuff”. Shes a hoot, but i understand why you do and have extensive respect for that. Although, your shyness makes it hard to approach you, only because I feel almost intimidated to ask a question and don’t want to burden you with a possibly pointless and surface question.(that’s me being shy) …Perhaps its just because I know in time i will discover that answer for myself. but at the same time, a little point in the right direction would be nice, especially now cause i have no clue which direction to go.