by Michael Mamas | Wednesday, April 2, 2014 | Favorites, Relationship |
People have many diverse motivations in life. Some strive to make money. Others are devoted to mastering a musical instrument. Some aspire to higher and higher levels of education. Some are dedicated to certain principles, that is to say their beliefs regarding being in the right as much as possible. Still others focus on accomplishing whatever task may be at hand.
But after it is all said and done, there is one thing that brings more fulfillment regarding how you live your life than anything else. That, quite simply, is how other people feel about you. Do they respect you as a person?
The odd thing about all this is that that most fulfilling aspect of your life is very simple to attain… yes indeed, very, very simple. The only problem is that people do not have their attention there. They focus more on motivations such as the ones listed above. That is done at the expense of gaining the respect, love, and good feelings of others. Simply making a habit of keeping your finger on the pulse of how others are feeling about you is the simple yet profound key to it all. And even more amazing is that you do not have to always do it perfectly. Mistakes in this regard are not really a problem. You have only to do your best to correct the mistake and move forward. And the correction need not be a dramatic act. A simple acknowledgement is usually quite enough. That in fact, will gain you more respect than if the mistake was never made in the first place. You may think the acknowledgement is a swallowing of your pride or and undermining of your stature, but in truth, it is exactly the opposite.
I encourage you to just try it. Go ahead and focus on whatever task is at hand, but keep your finger on the pulse of how your actions are compelling people to feel about you as a person and do your best to make that a very positive feeling. You will find that in doing so, whatever the task at hand may be, you will be more successful in the accomplishment of it. At the same time, over and above the accomplishment of the task, you will find greater fulfillment in life.
It is really all so simple. Just do the Surya Ram Meditation as instructed and keep you finger on that pulse of respect. Respecting others is the key to attaining their respect and love, is the key to success in whatever task you may embark upon, and is the key to fulfillment in a life well lived.
One final point: It is not so much about how you behave when everything is wonderful and everybody is getting along that gains the respect of others. It is more about how you behave during conflicts or disagreements. Do you just try to prove your point, make yourself right, or make the other wrong? Do you stonewall any perspective or feeling other than your own? Or are you working with the relationship in a manner that will gain the respect and appreciation of others. Never forget that this is how you gain your own self-respect and appreciation. Never forget that you have not won over a person, just because you have silenced them.
Real conflict resolution, and I mean resolution within your own heart and mind, comes not from winning an argument, but instead it comes from winning the respect of others.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Friday, September 20, 2013 | Personal Growth, Relationship |
Spheres of Influence is a common model regarding relationships. Imagine some concentric circles with you in the center. The inner most sphere of influence would include your spouse or immediate family, and perhaps your closest friends. Furthest out in the circle would be a total stranger. Somewhere in-between, you might find business associates.
You behave differently with people in different spheres of influence. How you behave with your immediate family is very different from how you behave in public. This is a good thing. It’s socially and culturally appropriate. You can, of course, misbehave in any sphere of influence, but that is a different topic. You would do well to observe how you shift as you move from one sphere of influence to another. Behavior in each sphere of influence is an art unto itself.
Relationships can quite appropriately move from one sphere of influence to another. Not only from outer to inner, but also from inner to outer. People often have a hard time with that, particularly when it involves moving from inner to outer. It is important to keep in mind that such moves do not necessarily imply a loss of friendship, caring, or commitment. It is more a matter of respect for the ever-evolving and changing times. For example, a relationship may for some reason become strained. Striving to maintain the current sphere of influence in those circumstances could create additional strain in the relationship. It can be most respectful and honoring to, at those times, smoothly shift that relationship to an outer sphere, if for no other reason than to give the relationship time to heal. Changing the sphere of influence can significantly change the nature and tone of the relationship.
I’ve noticed with respect to my own daughters, that as they grow up, the relationship shifts. That could be viewed as a shift from the inner sphere of the relationship. As they get older, they need and deserve more autonomy. It is fascinating how spontaneously that occurs. It’s clearly innate. To hold it properly is an art and a beautiful thing. The term respect comes to mind.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Thursday, September 6, 2012 | Relationship |
I was asked about the concept of Indigo Child to which I respond:
Every individual, at the depth of their being, is Divine. There are no exceptions. Parents see that in their children. As my brother-in-law once put it… “a little slice of Heaven”. In other words, every parent sees their child as an Indigo Child… special. The beauty of life is that everyone, in that regard, is special… One with God. The question becomes: “How fully is that Divinity made manifest on the surface of life?”
As the enlightened age emerges, there is no question that more and more evolved beings will incarnate. However, the popularity of the concept of Indigo Child among New Agers is more a parental justification that their child is ‘special’ rather than the result of that movement toward the enlightened age.
Those drawn to the Indigo Child concept tend to be spiritually oriented New Agers. As a result, they tend to have a great deal of the indigo color in their aura and pass that along to their children. Therefore, those children do have more indigo in their presence. But the belief that makes them special is rooted more in a parental longing than a matter of fact.
All children are special. A parent need not worry about that. Yet the parental role should be more about supporting the child to bring that forth through commitment and character cultivation rather than attempting to rest upon the laurels of a metaphysical concept. The parental longing is a beautiful thing. My desire is not to make anyone wrong, but to inspire all to work with that longing in the most constructive manner.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Wednesday, May 9, 2012 | Personal Growth, Relationship |
This is an interesting Einstein quote. Does it indicate a certain lack of integration with life? Or is it a profound statement of his understanding of the nature of relative existence?
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects”. – Albert Einstein
Though we may hurt and disappoint one and other from time to time, life is still all about people… personified beings.
Life is rooted in perfection. Every individual is rooted in perfect. Yet like a tree rooted in the stability of Mother Earth, the branches dance with the winds of karma.
Integration means harmony of the depth with the surface. Love people. Do not be confused by the winds of karma. And do not be oblivious to them.
Human evolution means the integration of life.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Sunday, October 30, 2011 | Relationship, World View
If you have been having a bit of a hard time lately, please hang in there just a bit longer!
Sun and Mars are in their signs of debilitation (they stay in a sign for about a month or so). Saturn will continue to be vargottama in Virgo until mid-November.
Moon has been debilitated and conjunct Rahu for a couple days and will be for another day. Mars is about to go out of debilitation. Sun has a couple more weeks to go.
If things have been difficult for you lately, as I have seen for a number of people, a Winston Churchill quote might apply:
Politics is almost as exciting as war and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics – many times.
This is true not only of politics but also of life in general, and certainly in matters of the heart.
As a spiritual teacher, I pour my heart out. I lead with my heart. It affects me deeply when people are not doing well.
Yet there is only so much I can do. And sometimes, as I have said before, the best gift you can give someone is to just give time and space. As I write this, I can think of a number of different people who likely think I am writing it just to them… and I guess they are each right. Hang in there.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Monday, October 24, 2011 | Relationship |
True leadership manifests through respect, not control.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Sunday, October 23, 2011 | Relationship, Spirituality |
I received the following comment on my recent blog:
In response to “brahmarishi says, October 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm” and the larger context as well…
I was rough with this and sent some of my angst towards you…I can see now that it was my misunderstanding, as I do reflect upon several times in class when you spoke those words…please accept my must humble apologies.
I forgot that you said that you were only preparing us with tools for self discovery…You never said you would tell us how to think or that you would direct our path…only that you would show us the door to truth…you did and continue to do so.
This hurts…at many levels…I trust the damage can be healed…I miss you…and will look forward to seeing you again.
I realize it is our responsibility to use the tools wisely and not to simply grasp the tools and hold on to them. This has helped hammer the lesson home…
To which I responded:
I know full well that I ask a lot of my students. From time to time a student may recoil, or get upset, or even quit. It always breaks my heart when that happens. But I have freely chosen my role as a teacher of this most precious knowledge.
I do understand that few are willing to pursue deep spirituality. In fact, more often people look to spirituality as an escape from reality instead of an embrace of truth wherever it may lead.
I do ask that people do their best to act respectfully. I also understand that from time to time most everyone loses their balance. If angst rises again in the future, perhaps it can be more appropriately directed to a pillow instead of me. The energy we send is real and I do feel pain.
Dear friend, you are most welcome to be my student. The love in my heart seems to have no limit. I see Divinity in everyone. I am deeply committed to all those who come to me, just as I am deeply committed to doing all I can to remove the suffering that plagues most all beings on our beloved Earth.
As a teacher of this knowledge this confirms for me one thing about myself; I truly love everyone.
Also, I am shy. I know this may seem like a contradiction with my position as a teacher. But I can only talk about deep matters. I am just not good at superficial small talk.
Somehow both my daughters are great at it. When I spoke with my daughter about it, she giggled and said, “How can that be? It is so simple. All you have to do is open your mouth and say something… anything. That is the beauty of it. It doesn’t matter what you say. Talk about the weather.”
I carry you all in my heart. Please do not mistake my shyness for anything other than shyness. For some reason the interaction above compelled me to say this.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Saturday, October 1, 2011 | Personal Growth, Relationship
In a heated argument we are apt to lose sight of the truth. – Publilius Syrus
I see this quite often, not only by the main participants of a conflict, but also by their supporting friends and family.
I think it was Davey Crockett that said, “First get your facts straight and then go ahead.” However, when things become heated, facts tend to fall by the wayside.
In those moments it is best to settle down and give it the time and space necessary to come from a better place… a healthy second response.
No one has the right to attack another in a heated moment.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Thursday, September 22, 2011 | Relationship
The simplistic answer is ‘be nice.’ As the old saying goes, ‘you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.’ But your understanding of ‘being nice’ must not be superficial. So I would add to this, ‘Be straight.’
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People feel things. They can tell not only when they are being assaulted, but also when they are being manipulated, i.e. when you are not being truly honest with them. When you are throwing darts, when your motivations are coming from a distorted place.
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It is not always easy to be straight with people. You may feel hurt or any other form of negativity that puts a spin on your emotions making it very difficult to stand up straight and deal with whatever is going on. In such instances, give yourself the time and space required to access and act from a wiser place within. This can take time and effort, but as the saying goes, ‘if you do not have time to do something right, how are you going to find time to fix what you have done wrong.’
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You may also see that the person you are dealing with is in just that sort of emotional spin making them inaccessible. It is common in such instances to retaliate. But that will only make things worse. You must find it within yourself to wisely give them the time and space they require. At such time, it may be all you can do to wait and watch for an ‘in’… an opportunity to connect with them on a deeper level.
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This all begins with an honest relationship with yourself. What are you really feeling? You may think you are angry for example. But anger is often just a cloak for the deeper emotion of hurt or frustration. You need to find honesty within yourself. Then present yourself to the world from that place of honesty. This does not mean throwing yourself at the feet of another. It means being honest with yourself and acting wisely in your interactions.
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Rest assured that people will sense where you are coming from, and if you are acting from an honorable place within, they will, at least in time, respond accordingly. The best way to get what you want is to behave in a manner that elicits respect… be nice in a profound sense, not a plastic or superficial sense. Being nice means being straight. Come from the place of maturity within. In other words, being nice is far more than a sugar coating. It means simple, honest, straightforward integrity.
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Integrity is a word that is thrown around far too freely often used when a person is not doing what you want them to do or what you think they should do. But true integrity runs much deeper. Integrity means integration. Are the many facets of what you are feeling integrated with what you are thinking, what you are knowing, and what is actually the case? Are you really being honest with yourself and others? Are you standing up straight in your dealings with life? This is not so easy to do.
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But it is what is required if you want the respect of others. And that is your best chance of getting what you want.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
by Michael Mamas | Sunday, September 11, 2011 | Relationship |
“Look to be treated by others as you have treated others.”
– I do not know the source of this quote
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I like this better than the proverbial ‘do unto others.’ This speaks more directly to the mechanic of relationship.
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If you can just take a step back to see how you behave… and remember that most of your behavior is about the energy you project, not really the words that you use.
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What is in your heart is expressed outwardly as the energy you radiate. Others experience this energy as a feeling.
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Pay attention to how you make the people around you feel. Your behavior is best evaluated based upon that. All too often, people evaluate their behavior based upon what they justify or rationalize.
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People will treat you in a manner that mirrors how you make them feel, not what you say or think.
© Michael Mamas. All rights reserved.
